What's up Doc?

My oldest and youngest had well visits today. Our trip to the pediatrician's office was a circus act in and of itself. I made the appointment for 8:30a.m. The nice thing about early appointments is that we don't have to wait long in the waiting room. The hard part is that it takes an insane amount of work to get the three kids fed, dressed (they can't exactly show up in dirty underwear and pjs) and in the minivan by 8:10...not to mention the fact that I usually try to look presentable myself which means I have to actually shower and do something with my hair. Thanks to my wonderful hubby we were backing out of the driveway by 8:19. Thanks to the fact that the office clock is slower than the minivan clock, we were only 3 min late.

I wish I had a picture of how we looked as we walked into the office this rainy morning. I was carrying the baby, and holding my 2 year olds hand as well as my purse, my diaper bag, and my bag of tricks (toys, crayons, stickers to occupy them in the waiting and examination room). Straggling behind was my son dressed in his camo pants and shirt, wearing his superman "goggles" and his red cape and carrying his Lighting McQueen umbrella. The funny thing about that umbrella is that the girls and I get more wet than normal waiting for him to put it up and take it down. Oh well, he enjoys it and we are used to getting wet b/c I never bother with an umbrella... I'd need a third hand for that and if I had that I am sure one of the kids would just end up poking me or each other in the eye with it!

We signed in and sat down. As soon as we are seated and got the books off the shelf and the kid chairs arranged, our name is called, which means it is time to gather it all up. My little superhero leads the way down the hall. My two year old is in the middle calling for Dr Hackett. Mommy and baby and our boatload of stuff were trailing behind.

Time to strip the baby to be weighed and convince my son to take off his shoes and cape for the scale (I don't really know why the MA was insistent the cape had to come off for this.. how much could it weigh really?). I was able to convince my son to brave standing on the scale and then attempted to put my baby on the scale without her falling off even though she was trying to grab my shirt the entire time. Not sure how accurate her measurement was, but she said it was good enough.

Next on the agenda was holding the hot compress on my baby's heel so she could get a heel prick. Not too hard. Holding her down for the heel prick while the MA is squeezing her foot like crazy to get the blood out (next to impossible)! Changing my baby's diaper is like bull fighting. I am not exaggerating. She is constantly flipping over and flailing the entire time... Now I am attempting to hold her still while someone squeezes blood out of her. The whole time I am convincing the other two that "it is ok." Meanwhile my 2yr old is watching wide eyed and saying over and over "uh-oh" "uh-oh" b/c she sees all the blood on the baby's foot. My son is singing "Jingle Bell Rock" (not sure why he thought that song would comfort his sister but it was a valiant effort).

The MA then takes my son off for his vision and hearing tests. I was surprised he went (He got to keep his cape and goggles on). The Dr told me the official test results as written in his test report said, "Not sure if he heard the cars and trucks, he was talking the entire time." I can totally believe that! Also, he apparently answered all of the hearing questions at the top of his lungs. I can only picture how he looked with his cape, goggles, ear phones and him shouting.. "I hear it now, yup I hear that... It's a beautiful day"

When the Dr came in for the actual check ups she did the exam with my son in his underwear and his cape and goggles. I am not sure why, but as she examined his belly and back he starting crowing like a rooster. Yes, I was so proud.. not showing off his ABC's or counting, no, barn yard animals was his trick of choice. My Dr's response was, "It must be a riot at your house. Is it like this all day?" I am thinking, "Yes, why, is that not normal?"

Somehow we were able to touch base on what foods the baby can now eat, a few bonus questions about my 2 year old (even though she wasn't being seen officially today), and I told her my son was going to go to preschool 3 mornings a week next fall. That was it. I am sure there were several other questions I wanted answered, but oh well.

Now it was time for the shots... Here is where I really earn my Mommy dollars (that's not real money by the way). Both the baby and my son need shots and I have to hold them both down. Even though my son LOVES his pediatrician (he asked if he could invite her to his birthday party) he was not excited about these shots. He had to get 3. The MA and I decided to have him go first so I passed off my baby to one of the office staff. Of course my baby bursts into tears instantly, so she took her out of the room. I then had to hold my son on my lap facing me with this sleeves off but he his shirt still around his neck (I don't know why he suddenly cared about having his clothes on... at home I have to fight him to keep his clothes on, he would walk onto the deck and talk to my neighbor in his underwear if I didn't stop him). I asked him what song he wanted me to sing while they did the shots.

Jingle Bell Rock

So as my son is wailing, and I mean wailing, and I am holding him down, both MA's give him his shots at the same time while the three of us sang Jingle Bell Rock.

Time to go home now, right?

Oh no... we still have ONE MORE SHOT! I hold the already crying baby on my lap while they give her one shot in the leg and the office manager takes my son out for this two promised lollipops (only he returns with a bouquet). After watching both her brother and sister cry through the shots, my two year old asks, "My turn?" We assured her she could have some lollipops without the shots. Then I had to attempt to dress the already mad, tired, and hungry baby bucking like a wild bull while talking to the office manager (whose kids I babysit 15 years ago) as she showed me pictures of those kids (who are now almost the age I was when I babysat them)!

Somehow I managed to get them all dressed, in line and waiting while I paid and made an appt for the baby's 12 mth check up! (I am sure they are so excited about seeing us again in 3 mths)

We were in the car, buckled in, and on the phone with Daddy filling him in on the weight and lengths by 10 am. I was so ready for it to be nap time by the time we were home....but is wasn't, only 10:30 with 1.5 hours to go.


  1. Crystal, I don't know how you find time for blogging, I barely find the time to read it . . . but it sure makes me laugh!! In a year or two you should compile all of your entries and publish a "real" book on Motherhood . . . as in, "here's what you are REALLY getting yourself into."

  2. Can't help LOL-ing when I read about life in the fast lane! Reminds me of the juggling act at the circus :). Keep it up -- I send excerpts to my work buddies who don't 'do' blogs., and they always laugh as loud as I do.

  3. I can not stop laughing!! I can picture it all, and I can see the staff after you left just rolling on the floor!! Only a pediatric office staff can truly appreciate all of this - so I am sending this one to my peers :-) Love you all!!

  4. Sounds normal to me!!! Love your site!

  5. Crystal, I had to stop reading and come back because I was afraid my laughing was going to wake the girls. That is the best story I have heard in awhile! It's also a little refreshing to know that your life is not so different from mine. Love you!!!

  6. um.....

    how do you respond to that?? i hope you get an extra frappuccino or SOMETHING after that morning! all in less than 2 hours. i'm impressed. or maybe a little nervous for you for the rest of your 16-hour-day!

  7. Crystal,
    I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog- I had to laugh outloud tonite while reading as I remembered what it was like all those years ago with 3 kids -3 yrsand under-What a hoot!!!! Thanks for making my day!

    Where do you find the time to blog???????????

    Love you guys

  8. Honey, I feel your pain on the baby who, while sweet and lovely at home, turns into baby Hyde at the doc. You're a saint and a hero...my mommy hero anyway! Thanks for sharing! :)

  9. Crystal,

    I got to your blog through Shaun Groves' and this post is absolutely hilarious! No kids of my own, but I did nanny for several years and most of my friends are moms. Such a great story! I'll be back to read again soon.


  10. Hey Crystal! I popped over here from "We are THAT Family." Imagine my surprise when it was YOU!!! You haven't changed a bit since college...except that you are now married with THREE kids! Woo hoo! Great post about the crazy doctor's appointment...sounds like you handled things well. 8:30 is VERY brave.


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