Weekend Thoughts: The Best Book I Never Read


imageWhen Scott and I were engaged everyone was reading this book.    While we never sat down and read the book we did peruse the chapter headings to determine what the 5 love languages were and it didn't take long for us to figure out which love language each of us spoke.   We will both tell you that this is the best marriage book we ever didn't read.  The concepts in this book have truly helped our marriage.

The author says that there are 5 ways people speak and receive love.  These are physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service.  While people can receive love in more than one language, most people tend to have one language they hear most often.   Mine is words of affirmation.  Write me a card, send me an e-mail telling me what I mean to you or how you appreciate me and I am a happy girl.  I save them and read them over and over.  Scott's love language is acts of service. 

A key point was learning to speak your mate's love language.  A big mistake that people often make is to speak their language to their mate and then wonder why he/she doesn't feel loved.  I figured out early on that while words mean a lot to me, they really don't cut it for Scott.  Sappy love notes and cards do not make him feel loved.  He once told me that the joy he got our the my love notes had nothing to do with the words I used but instead, he appreciated the care I put into finding the time to write it.  So, I don't bother with them anymore.   I do make him his favorite cake from scratch each year on his birthday and it says I love you more than any card ever could.

Likewise, while Scott doesn't naturally communicate through words of affirmation, he knows I need them and doesn't let my needs go unmet.  He'll send me e-mails from work telling me he loves me or sometimes leave notes on the computer saying, "Scott loves his wife"  I keep the note up all day and smile each and every time I see it.  (yes, I am a sap through and through)!

I should mention that another key thing is learning to receive love in your mate's language.  My native language is still "words" and Scott's is still "service" so it's important we translate when we use our own language to tell the other we love them.  

While we never actually read this book, we both highly recommend it, as learning to identify and speak each others love language has had a huge impact on our marriage.  I am able to show him love in a way that he recognizes and he does the same with me.  We can't recommend this book highly enough.

Weekend Thoughts:
My posts typically relate funny anecdotes about the happenings here at the circus. While my days are seldom “normal” enough to leave me without a “post worthy” moment, I use my last post of the week to highlight something a little more “thoughtful” and significant. If you had a thoughtful post from this last week, or choose to make a new one, please feel free to add a link in the comments section below. I’d love to hear what you are thinking.


  1. I really like this book too! Although I did actually read it, Jordan hasn't, but he gets it. It's definitely a good one to recommend to your friends!

    And P. S...
    ...you are an awesome girl, and I'm so glad to be your pesty little sister! :) I consider you one of my favorite people, and I look up to you more than you know. I hope you feel very loved right now, because I meant all of that! :)

  2. In my generation we had a book like that, too. I don't recall the name. I remember that the wife in the book loved to bake and she would always made him cakes - that didn't make him feel loved - her taking out the garbage did. Anyway, same idea.
    Love language, it is a big deal.

  3. Hey my computer let me on for a second! I needed that book years ago! J.K. I should check it out sometime.

  4. That is too funny that you love the book and have never read it. What a time saver ;-)!

    Kevin and I tease each other because he claims I have all the love languages (which is decidedly not true) and he has none of them (which is kind of true!)

  5. I love that you got all of that out of the chapter titles, you are very insightful! If you ever get a chance, you should read the book. This concept totally applies to more than just marriage, it works with friends, family and with your kids. My parents have been running marriage prep and counseling for years and this is one of their biggest book recommendations. I've read it a few times. Although I'm single, and have no kids, it has really helped me out with my friendships and family relationships. I'm totally an acts of service girl and I love it when my friends and family speak my language.
    I love your blog, keep up the good work! It is great to hear about your life.


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